What’s Your Memphis Complaint?

Thrillist shares this: “One of the best things about Memphis is that Memphians don’t take themselves too seriously, and even though they’re proud to live here, every city’s got it’s problems… 99 of them, to be exact.”

See if you agree.

1. Giant fish sign on a pyramid
2. Payday loan offices that double as fried-chicken restaurants
3. The Commercial Appeal comments section
4. All the good bootleg Grizz-shirt ideas are taken
5. Rallying to save AutoZonePark, but never going to Redbirds games
6. Kangaroo-themed shuttle with a 1 mile route (apparently Memphians can’t walk)
7. Garage formerly known as Parking Can Be Fun
8. Annual optional-school-enrollment campouts
9. Bike lanes that end with no warning
10. RIP Adventure River, Liberty Land, Mall of Memphis, and Jillian’s
11. Lack of IKEA (oh, wait!)
12. Red Lobster’s “Memphis Most: Best Seafood” winning streak
13. Suburbanites afraid to go Downtown
14. 48% on Urbanspoon and still in business
15. Rude hipster servers
16. Locals complaining that there’s nothing to do in Memphis
17. Rush hour traffic on I-240
18. Empty-ish airport (thanks Delta)
19. Rhodes kids who don’t tip
20. Road construction everywhere forever
21. Hating Memphis but never going inside city limits
22. Loving Memphis but never going outside of Midtown
23. The Chinese Sub Shop is closed on Sundays
24. Turn signals are optional
25. I-240/I-55 Interchange aka Malfunction Junction
26. Fiery trolleys
27. Far-left lanes on Union
28. Far-right lanes on Poplar
29. Poplar Ave in general
30. Healthy food: not impossible to find, not easy to get
31. Speed traps on Sam Cooper
32. Allergy season is 11.5 months out of the year
33. Planned Parenthood protesters
34. The only affordable grocery store for Downtowners is in Arkansas
35. Panicking at any sign of rain
36. Hysteria at any sign or rumors of snow
37. Getting on national “top 10” lists for being happy, but fat
38. Cab drivers who never show up, are late, or get you lost
39. Bars barely big enough to fit band members, much less the crowd
40. Local TV’s “breaking news” has been on Twitter for 8hrs already
41. That time there was almost a cover for Beale St
42. Eternal grudge against Calipari
43. Fear-mongering local news headlines (“Is Your Toothpaste Giving You Brain Cancer?! Tonight at 10”)
44. Everyone is a Grizzlies blogger
45. Sports-radio Twitter feuds
46. BBQ Fest wristband envy
47. Building new buildings while entire city blocks sit empty
48. Number of your exes at any given bar
49. Not knowing Jon Roser’s latest Johnny nickname
50. Parking a mile away from Studio on the Square or the Paradiso
51. Everyone reminding you to watch your speed in Germantown
52. People refusing to stand the last two minutes of a Grizz game
53. People refusing to sit the first two minutes of a Grizz game
54. The Grizz-trade rumor mill
55. Union Ave nocturnal jaywalkers
56. Waiting hours for a table at Hog & Hominy
57. Waiting months for a table at Restaurant Iris
58. Mongo still isn’t mayor
59. “Scoop the Poop” billboards everywhere. Poop still everywhere.
60. Complaining that 40 degrees is cold
61. Photos of car thermometers posted every August
62. Waiting for gas at Kroger to save 2 cents
63. Fair-weather Grizzlies fans
64. Fair-weather Tigers fans
65. Taking the Nashville rivalry too seriously
66. Bars that still allow smoking
67. Still calling it Memphis State 20 years later
68. The cross-and-Bible-holding “Statue of Liberty” on Winchester
69. Complaining about walking three blocks to get to 20 bars
70. Choosing a restaurant based on parking
71. Addiction to posting pictures of every sunset and rainbow
72. T-shirt-hawkers making money off Tony Allen’s Twitter
73. “I always shop local… but of course I voted for wine at Kroger.”
74. Drinking options: $12 mixologist craft cocktails or $2 PBR, and nothing in between
75. Local media Twitter fails #RockboneForever
76. That awesome new super-popular restaurant… that is terrible
77. Downloading an app is still too much work to park in the Overton Square garage
78. Half-baked ideas to improve the city that get really popular on Facebook
79. Road rage in Kroger parking lots
80. Pointless Midtown/Downtown vs. East Memphis rivalry
81. Marathon traffic
82. Tourists asking where the best BBQ is
83. Tourists thinking there’s nothing to do besides Graceland
84. Tourists looking for country music or jazz
85. Tourists only eating on Beale St
86. The Beale Street Music Fest lineup three of the last five years
87. Outsiders thinking literally everyone in town has been shot and/or robbed
88. Everyone rushing to buy bread and milk when there’s even a hint of snow
89. Endless jokes about everyone rushing to buy bread and milk when there’s even a hint of snow
90. Memphis in mud
91. The line for the Bayou’s brunch patio
92. “Show Your Mind. Not Your Behind.” billboard
93. Steve Cohen’s idea to protect the White House with a moat
94. Reality TV stars that run for office
95. The battle to reclaim the grassy knoll at Overton Park
96. Not entirely sober City Council meetings
97. Restaurants with “rules” lists longer than their menus
98. The best music acts skip Memphis for Nashville or Oxford
99. Still no Google Fiber

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