Sitting It Out

Thinking of the State Dinner last night, I pity the person who had to decide where people sit. What a headache that would be!

I ask myself if I were attending, who would I want to sit next to and – more importantly – not sit next to?

I wouldn’t want to sit next to Apple CEO Tim Cook and former Obama EPA administrator Lisa Jackson. That would not compute. They said that no Democrats except Louisiana Governor Bell were invited, but, let’s face it, Cook and Jackson might as well be wearing pink resistance hats. No thanks to those two.

I wouldn’t want to be seated next to Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. He might tell me we are eating lamb, then decide right before we were served that it wasn’t lamb. That would be too taxing.

Henry Kissinger and wife Nancy? No again. I’m afraid at his age of 94 he might be a bit hard of hearing. Imagine yourself sitting across from him and trying to converse. The room might go silent right before you yelled out “Waas Up?” and that would be embarrassing.

So, too, would it be to sit next to Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Although I like her quite a bit, if I made some inappropriate remark she might smack me down with one of her very pointed rebukes. Too risky.

If I sat next to Jerry Hall, I’d want to ask if she liked it that Trump plays “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at his rallies. Might be a bit gauche on my part. Besides, she’d probably be busy tending 87-year-old hubby Rupert Murdoch, who had a back injury in January. I’d also have to refrain from asking him why he doesn’t disinherit his liberal sons and save Fox News.

It would be tough to sit next to Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. They are truly beautiful people and everyone else must have felt frumpy and overweight.

Memphian Fred Smith might be OK, but he also might want my dessert. He’s put on a few. I hope he didn’t ask for two scoops of creme fraiche ice cream to go with the nectarine tart.

Paul Ryan and wife? My taste doesn’t run to RINO. Probably ditto House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy. I might slip up ans ask “By the way, whatever happened to full Obamacare repeal?”

I would like to sit next to National Security Advisor John Bolton. He has a great sense of humor and loves to tell funny stories, of which I’m sure he has a lot. He might just give in and lob a roll at Tim Cook for a laugh.

Senator John Kennedy would be a good table mate, too. He’s charming with a quick wit. I might burst out laughing around him.

Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis would do, too. I think we’d get good service with him at our table.

Despite all these creatures the evening seemed to go well. Maybe that’s because no “celebrities,” stars or media were present. They had to sit it out, like me.

There’s always a next time, celebrities.

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