Newspaper Shows Its Inadequacy

One welcome outcome of the coronavirus may be the demise of local liberal rags.

Like the CA.

Has it ever been more worthless than the past few days?

All the news it prints about the Covid 19 is outdated by the time you get the newspaper. It’s either been seen on the Daily Memphian or the local TV news. Anything that happens after 6 p.m. is not covered since they have to meet the deadline for publishing in Jackson.

What they do manage to put in is all about Nashville. Today there were pictures of people doing things in Nashville (not government related); a story about 2020 graduates written by one from Nashville; a Nashville prof’s worthless thoughts on the internet; and two Nashville young women who put their dancing on instagram.

Fascinating stuff Memphians really want to know about.

Wait, there was one article from Memphis. It gave tips on making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. Certainly nothing particularly Memphis or worthwhile in the screed, which I believe is one they’ve even run before.

If all that is not worthless enough, an article in the Go Memphis section lists “25 things to due while stuck inside due to a pandemic.” They’ve done this before. Some editor thinks it’s brilliant enough to keep running. I can only imagine reporters asked to contribute laughing and giving the most absurd tips. Like these gems:

“Two words: Coronavirus beard! Grow it, moisturize it, comb it, love it.” And watch your wife shave it.

“Attempt things with your non dominant hand, from writing to brushing your teeth. Be prepared to be frustrated.” Because frustration is just what we all need since we’re already frustrated with being confined.
“Prepare to verbally duel a bully who wants to discuss the evolution of the market economy in the Southern colonies, by memorizing Matt Damon’s ‘Good Will Hunting’ speech.” Just what we need – more antagonizing of people already fed up with our circumstances.
“Try to speak in pig latin.” Because…? Do you want to annoy the only people left in your home to converse with?
“Take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Well that will use up a few seconds. Now what?
“Try moving in super-slow motion. It’s OK to laugh at regular speed.” Is it OK to slap someone at regular speed, too?
“Learn Old English words. Pepper them into your conversation. Wherefore not?” Wherefore why?
“Learn the words to ‘Tung Twista.’ Get them so ingrained in your brain that you can rap them as fast as Twista can. Impress everyone.” Impress? Or drive them mad?

When it comes to the coronavirus, the CA is afflicted with inanity. But maybe that’s better than the liberal piffle they insist on slanting real news stories with.

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