Recession? Just Bad Luck

On his Midwestern bus tour, President Obama talked about our financial situation – what he had done and where we are.

“We reversed the recession,” Obama said “avoided a depression, gotten the economy moving again, but over the last six months we’ve had a run of bad luck.” The president explained that the protests at the Arab spring, the European debt crisis and the tsunami in Japan derailed our progress.

That’s a relief. At least it wasn’t his fault or his policies then, just bad luck. You might expand that to say Bush had bad luck with 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, but clearly those were his own personal fault and I digress.

Might I suggest that those weren’t the only bits of bad luck President Obama has experienced? I think he modestly overlooked a lot of other events that hurt our nation that he had nothing to do with.

If the tsunami in Japan hurt us, what about the volcano in Iceland? Our Iceland-American ethnic group was devastated by the volcano. Our trade deficit erupted when we couldn’t get our exports to Reykjavik. Networks lost valuable advertising revenue when anchors stumbled minutes over how to pronounce Eyjafjallajokull. How many ads got bumped by that?

Mr. President, how could you forget the terrible loss to America when Charlie Sheen was fired from Two and a Half Men? The national angst over that gripped America. Who could concentrate on working when we were all enthralled with Sheen’s antics? Winning? I think not.

The possible NFL strike contributed to the malaise as well. Millions could not get out of bed wondering if they would have to spend Thanksgiving actually talking to their relatives. Chip manufacturing dipped as did the whole chicken wing industry. At least that contract negotiation is settled – for a while.

The Olympic Committee’s failure to choose Chicago as a site for the future games cost us, too. The shame of it! Who could have seen that bad luck coming? Our president dissed just because Chicago is a nightmare of gangs, bad weather, crime, Chicago political bosses, crime and snow. Did I forget crime? Anyhow, Rio must be a better choice since it has virtually no crime, right? I thought Obama was going to make us loved again. How many points did the Dow lose on that one?

One other problem has only recently been uncovered. Luckily California legislators are on the case – the pillow case you could say. Who knew the disaster that flat sheets were causing in hotels? Evidently they have been responsible for billions spent in our health care industry and for a huge loss of man hours as maids with aching backs crashed our medical facilities. The evil sheets will be replaced with fitted ones if the progressives in the California legislature slumber no more and pass SB432. Then it will be a crime to use flat sheets and California will soon be on the road to economic recovery! Until the other states wake up, though, our downturn will probably deepen.

Mr. President, you ignored another catastrophe you had nothing to do with that has contributed to our downturn. IHOP has ended their Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity promotion. Who wasn’t affected when the waitress lay down the last strawberry sauced hot cake? The nation has lost one of its greatest campaigns. Was it Michelle’s foes at work trying to undermine the economy? If so, it’s working.

Take that vacation, Mr. President. Maybe it will change your luck. The rest of us will muddle through.

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