You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Today is Mardi Gras. In addition to driving a hybrid car, using squiggly light bulbs, avoiding hamburgers and ice cream and packing your child a lunch that will pass federal agent scrutiny, there is another warning out there.

According to the Los Angeles Times, today’s danger is Mardi Gras beads. Honestly. You think you can’t make anything this ridiculous up, but they did. The headline reads: Mardi Gras Beads Cause Environmental Hangover.

Reporting from New Orleans — The beads were flying all around them, some pooling in the street, some caught by revelers and cherished for a moment — most of them destined, in all likelihood, for the landfill.

It was Mardi Gras 2011, and Kirk and Holly Groh were stationed in their family’s traditional viewing spot downtown, where they had watched so many parades roll by in years past.

This time, they kept thinking what a waste it was.

Their hometown had never seemed more environmentally fragile. Hurricane Katrina’s floodwaters had claimed their house in August 2005. Five years later, they watched their local fishmongers worry their way through the BP oil spill.

But then the undersea gusher was finally capped, and a few months later New Orleans was once again inundated with millions of pounds of Chinese-made, petroleum-based plastic beads — the iconic spoils of Mardi Gras.

“Nothing had changed,” Holly said. “We were astonished, and just kind of dumbfounded.”

The Grohs have since flung themselves into one of the nation’s more esoteric — and, some would argue, futile — environmental crusades: Bringing a little conservationist restraint to the city’s pre-Lenten orgy of excess, which this year falls on Feb. 21.

The movement, for now, is modest, and its concerns are myriad, but most of the effort has focused on the estimated 25 million pounds of plastic beads that make their way to the city every year.

Traditional recycling centers cannot process the beads. However, a few nonprofits in recent years have refined programs that collect, bundle and resell them. And this year, an unprecedented crop of initiatives has sprung up to help feed the recycled bead market, with most of the ideas as idiosyncratic as the city itself.

The Arc of Greater New Orleans, a nonprofit that employs its mentally challenged clients in a bead-recycling program, introduced a trailer this season that will bring up the rear at some parades, encouraging revelers to throw back the trinkets they just caught with a slogan well-known to south Louisiana fishermen: “Catch and release.”

In October, a local environmental group called LifeCity held a contest it dubbed “Green the Gras.” The winning entrant proposed (but has not yet implemented) a system that would encourage the exchange of beads for tokens from businesses. The tokens could be used for a luxury most coveted on Mardi Gras day: the use of a clean bathroom.

On Feb. 11, the group the Grohs founded, Verdi Gras, tested a first-ever recycling pilot program with the blessing of city government, setting out bead collection bins along the route for the Krewe of Pontchartrain.

Like-minded revelers, about 130 of whom attended a Verdi Gras ball in January, imagine a future Carnival where more “throws” might be locally produced, handmade objets d’art. Kirk Groh, a 48-year-old lawyer, noted that the Krewe of Zulu’s hand-painted coconuts are always among Mardi Gras’ most coveted throws.

For these new activists, the deluge of beads is emblematic of regional attitudes about the environment that they wish to change. National green groups, which descended on Louisiana during the BP oil spill, often received a lukewarm reception from residents worried about the effect of stricter regulation on oil industry jobs. Before Katrina, New Orleans officials had discussed killing off the city’s curbside recycling program because of low participation rates.

“It’s a cultural thing,” said Ryan F. Berni, a spokesman for Mayor Mitch Landrieu. “We have a hard enough time convincing people to put their trash in the can.”

We live in a world where the debt each living American owes tops $52,000; where 25 million people are still looking for a job; where gas prices threaten to hit $5 a gallon; where divorce rates and out of wedlock births are more than 50%. Yet these clowns must obsess with things like Mardi Gras beads.

Ridiculous, yes, but also a shell game. It’s all done so your gaze is directed away from the true problems. Alas, a lot of Americans take the bait.

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