Words in the News

OBAMA DERECHO

Here in Memphis we are all familiar with the bow echo, that arrow shape line of winds that hit us disastrously in July 2003.

In Washington last week they got hit with a derecho. Wouldn’t you just know that a bow echo wouldn’t be good enough for the elitists in DC and the surrounding area? They had to use a special term to distinguish themselves from flyover peasants.

Whatever you call it, they still suffered without power. Nothing like we did here when 10-21 days without power were the fate of most Memphians in the July heat.

Matthew Continetti at The Washington Free Beacon took a look at the derecho and Obama and found it a perfect metaphor for life in the U.S. Yes, we are all suffering from the Obama derecho.

CLOCK BLOCKING

Jamie Weinstein at the Daily Caller explains clock blocking:

Is Mitt Romney clock-blocking Obama? — In other words, is the GOP candidate trying to block Obama’s chance at re-election by merely running out the clock and allowing the poor economic climate to do the president in rather than offering a bold contrast? Conservative columnist George Will thinks so. He also thinks it’s a bad strategy.

Only if he loses.

TAXONS

That hilarious blogger of the ridiculous, Iowahawk, took a look at Roberts’ opinion on Obamacare and its relation to the Higgs Boson particle and its collider. In it he came up with a new discovery: the Taxon.

The landmark experiment in Quantum Rhetoric began early this week after legal particle cosmologist John Roberts published a paper in the Quarterly Journal of Tortured Logic that solved the long-debated Pelosi’s Paradox in Universal Health Care Theory.

“Pelosi’s Paradox states that in order to find out what is in a health care bill, it would have to be passed,” explained physicist Steven Hawking. “But in order to be a law it would have to be constitutional, which means someone would have to know what was in it, which would mean it couldn’t have been a bill in the first place. Think of Schroedinger’s Cat, except with a lobotomy.”

To solve the paradox, Roberts proposed the existence of the Taxon – an ephemeral, mysterious facton particle that in theory would allow the Universal Health System to be constitutional, without directly observing what was in it. DNC scientists at first cheered Roberts’ findings, but it soon came apparent that it opened an even deadlier dilemma.

“If Roberts’ Taxon were really to exist, and was woven throughout the Health-Government-Time continuum, the merest realization of it would create a giant black hole in Gallup Space and cause free healthcare reality to collapse upon itself,” said Plouffe.

In order to disprove the Taxon, scientists at the HSWC devised a test experiment in their enormous CarneyLab bullshit accelerator. This test involved speeding a small mass of Facton – theoretically containing Roberts’ Taxon – and smashing it at near-light speed against a flaming super-dense ionized clod of purified bullshit.

“It was a complete success,” said Plouffe. “The collision produced only inert crap particles like Feesons and Penaltyons, obliterating any traces of a single highly radioactive Taxon. What’s more, we were thrilled that it also resulted in over 300 milliaxlerods of of positive Fernstroms.”

So be sure to look out for the feesons and penaltyons with your taxons. They’re there and they’re coming fast (and furious).

KROHN’S SYNDROME

Remember the 13 year old kid who wowed conservatives at CPAC a few years back? He wrote a book called “Defining Conservatism” and appeared on Sean Hannity’s show and others.

He has recently announced a change of heart. He renounced his right ways in favor of left ones which will ensure him a place at NYU and invitations to cool parties.

At theamericanthinker.com, writer James Capua has deemed this Krohn’s syndrome. It must be rampant on the East Coast because even Chief Justice John Roberts caught it.

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