O’s Press Conference Translated

Obama was about 40 minutes late to his press conference with the Turkish premier. Is he ever on time for anyone, or is this one of his way’s of flipping the bird to Americans? President Bush was never late. He always made it a point to come to work early, to press conferences on time, etc. It’s a form of respect to the American people. Not O.

Started to rain on the president as questions about the IRS came up. Coincidence? The man then had the gall to ask a Marine to come and cover him with an umbrella. It looked ridiculous. The reporters got rained on. Obama must enjoy watching them squirm.

He opened the presser to questions, telling them they should be concise, starting with a woman from Bloomberg. She wanted reassurances that no one in the White House office knew about the agency’s actions before O’s counsel found out on April 22nd and when they did do you think you should have learned about it before you learned about it from news reports and are you opposed to a special council and also, Mr. Prime Minister, what is the status to normalize relations with Israel and do you still plan to go to Gaza in the coming weeks? Well, so much for brevity. Whew!

Here’s how he replied with my translation below:

O said “with respect to the IRS I spoke to this yesterday.”
(Can’t you people leave it alone? I’m done with it.)

“My main concern is fixing a problem. Aaannnnd we began that process yesterday by asking aaannd accepting the resignation of the acting director there.”
(Remember my campaign slogan? Forward. I never want to explain myself, we’ll just keep going, well, forward)

“We will be putting in new leadership that will be able to make sure that following up on the IG audit, that we gather up all the facts and we hold accountable those who have taken these outrageous actions.

(Hey I fired the guy. Don’t notice that his term was up in two weeks anyhow.)

“As I said last night it is just simply unacceptable for there to be a hint of partisanship or ideology when it comes to the application of our tax laws.
(Damn it, it’s only unacceptable if they do it to us. Everybody knows that. Move on, as Michelle says)

“I am going to go ask a couple of Marines – they’re going to look good next to us. I’ve got a change of suits but I don’t know about our, um, the, um Prime Minister.
(Yeah, what’s his name. It’s cool to have someone hold an umbrella over you as you talk. Also, it’s a good distraction from my actually answering your question.)

“Let me, (multiple stutterings) let me make sure that I anaswer a specific question
(I’d like the body language lady to address how stuttering shows unease and is a tip off to lies about to follow)

“I can assure you that I certainly did not know anything about the IG report before the IG report had been leaked to, through the press.
(I know nothing is my defense and I’m sticking to it.)

“Typically, these reports are not supposed to be widely distributed …they tend to be a process that everyone’s trying to protect the integrity of…
(Who let this out? Wait, I just ended with a preposition and now I’m out on a limb)

“But what I’m absolutely certain of .. the actions that were described in that IG report are unacceptable.
(Once found out, they are)

“So in addition to make sure that we have a new acting director there, we’re also going to make sure that we get the facts and hold accountable and responsible anybody who was involved in this.
(I think he said that already.)

“We’re going to make sure that we identify any structural or management issues to prevent something like this from happening again.
(Is there an echo in the Rose Garden?)

“We’re going to make sure that we are accepting all of the recommendations that the IG has with the report and I’m looking forward to working with Congress ta fully investigate what happened and make sure that it doesn’t happen again
(That I’m found out, that is)

“and also look at some of the laws that create a bunch of ambiguity in which the IRS may not have enough guidance and may not be clear exactly what they need to be doing and doing it right so that the American people have confidence that the tax laws are being applied fairly and evenly
(I can always throw it back to Congress)

“In terms of the White House and reporting I think that you’ve gotten that information from Mr. Carney and others
(Mr. Carney? If I were you Jay and he started distancing himself from me, I’d run away fast and start spilling beans now)
“ya know I promise you this that the minute I found out about it then my main focus has been making sure we get the thing fixed.
(I told you! Don’t look back, just forward!)

“I think it’s going to be sufficient for us to be working with Congress , they’ve got a whole bunch of committees, we got IGs already there.
(Special Counsel? Hell no.)

“The IG has done an audit. It’s now my understanding there are going to be recommending an investigation aannnd ya know Attorney General Holder announced a criminal investigation of what happened between those investigations I think we are going to be able to find out exactly what happened, who was involved what went wrong annddd we’ll be able to implement steps to fix it.
(I hope they don’t notice I’m repeating myself.)

“And that is not only the main priority that I have, but also the American people have.
(Uh, oh. Whenever someone says the American people this, the American people that, there’s demagoguery a comin’)

“They understand that we’ve got an agency that has enormous potential power and is involved in everybody’s lives and that’s part of the reason why it’s been treated in a quasi independent institution.
(Quasi independent? Queasy independent since you put the officials in charge yourself.)

“But that’s also why we’ve got to make sure that it is doing its job scrupulously (finger pounding the podium) and without even a hint of bias or a hint that somehow they’re favoring one group over another.
(Say it again, but I still don’t believe it.)

“Aaannd as I said yesterday
(That short statement on the podium really should have closed the book on this, you people)

“I’m outraged by this in part because look I’m a public figure and if a future administration is trying to use the tax laws to favor one party over another or one political view over another we’re all vulnerable
(It all is about me in the end)

“and that’s why I said it doesn’t matter whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican
(Ask Romney, his contributors, Tea Party Groups… it mattered)

“you should be equally outraged at even the prospect that the IRS might not be acting with the complete neutrality that we expect.
(Outrage, not examination is the word of the day, but you don’t look outraged)

“And I think that we’re going to fix it. We’re going to be able to get there and get it done. We’ve already begun that process and we’re going to keep on going til it’s finished.”
(Get ‘er done, Congress and then I’ll take all the credit.)

No one learned anything from that quizzing except Obama is as evasive and untrustworthy as Nixon. In fact, he could teach Nixon a thing or two.

... Leave a Reply