A Spine for Kevin

From the Ninevah Bee (a sister publication of the Babylon Bee) comes this largely unreported story.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy will travel to Mar-a-lago this week for a meeting with President Trump. What he doesn’t know is that when he gets there he will be met by a team of crack orthopedic surgeons.

“When I saw how wishy washy McCarthy was on the January 6th riot, I consulted my medical team,” President Trump said. “They all agreed he was in dire need of a backbone. I knew it was time for an intervention.”

“In terms of my Be Best program, Kevin was a Be Mediocre and spiraling down,” Melania added. “It is the only compassionate thing to do.”

President Trump explained that the spine would be taken from a top Democrat operative who doesn’t want his name known. “He has two,” Trump said, “and he was quite willing to part with the second one for a pile of money and a free room at Trump hotels. I threw in golf course privileges because he’s helping us bigly.”

Surgeons involved include a renowned doctor from Memphis’ own Campbell Clinic. “Dr. A” as he is referred to, agreed that the operation was tricky. “When you get someone who has been limp for so long and unable to take a stand, it makes my job more difficult.”

Trump chimed in: “First McCarthy comes from California and the Republicans out there – since Ronald Reagan – have lost their intestinal fortitude and that’s bound to affect the backbone. Then the swamp fumes of Washington DC have made it worse. Clearly his brain has been damaged.

“We won’t do anything about that – yet,” Trump said. “First we have to make sure the backbone takes.”

Recovery will take a few days. Part of his treatment will be strong bourbon, viewing the movie “Patton” and watching Steve Bannon’s “War room.”

“If that doesn’t do it,” Dr. A said, “nothing will. But I’m hopeful.”

Here’s to a speedy recovery, Congressman McCarthy.

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